Shadowing Past
by Lollikass
Summary: What concerns someone to move every month, all around the world? Who does that? Meredith Grey. She stays everywhere only for a month, nowhere longer. She promised herself not to fall in love, never, and it worked, until he came into her life and showed her how beautiful love is. What's stronger:Her past or her future? What is her dark secret? Read the story to find out. Complete AU
1. Prologue

**Shadowing Past**

 **Disclaimer:** **Grey's Anatomy or its characters are absolutely not mine. If they were, Derek would be alive, obviously. Only the storyline is my own idea. This counts for every chapter.**

 **Summary:** **What concerns someone to move every month, all around the world? Who does that? Meredith Grey. She stays everywhere only for a month, nowhere longer. She promised herself not to fall in love, never, and it worked- until he came into her life and showed her how beautiful love is. But what is stronger: Her past or her future? What is her dark secret? Read the story to find out... Completely AU**

 **A/N:** **As you see, I can't live without writing MerDer for too long! But I guess I'm just Grey's-obsessed...**

 **This story will be very different from my first one. Things will take more time, it's more complicated... But I think the plot is much more interesting, something really new I haven't seen here before, with a lot of surprises, interesting cities, dramatic and of course fluff and cuteness!**

 **It will also be a little bit darker as the first one at some times, but it always suits the storyline and some drama can't be bad if it's not too much, I guess.**

 **Pairings:** **Meredith/Derek [MerDer], obviously**

 **Spoilers:** **Some familiar faces will pop up in the story, too, but I won't say too much ;)**

 **Let's start with a very short first look at the story!**

* * *

Prologue

Meredith made her way through all the people. The spice market was always full of different people. Different people with different stories, with normal lives, with husbands, fiancés, children and jobs.

She sighed. Abu Dhabi was an amazing city, and life here was just amazing, too. But she had to leave tomorrow, like she always did. A month was over.

As always, she didn't find any friends friends here, it was better for them. And for her, too.

She didn't want to feel the pain of leaving or losing a beloved person, that's why she had never been in love. It would simply be too hard for her.

Well, Meredith had almost been married once, but she didn't love that guy or even like him. By the way, don't think she's a princess or something. Not even close.

"I'd like to have some nutmeg, thyme and, uh, cinnamon!", she shouted at the top of her voice. The voices all around her were too loud to speak normal.

"Yes, of course. Any more?", the seller screamed with a broad, foreign accent.

"No, thanks!", Meredith yelled back.

The Arabic guy gave Meredith a small bag with all her spices and smiled an ambiguous smile.

"You're a very beautiful girl.", he grinned.

Meredith gazed at him and smirked back.

"Thank you, but don't try to flirt with me. That wouldn't turn out to be good for you."

"What's your name, luscious blonde?"

The blonde woman shook her head laughing.

"Mia, my name is Mia.", she flat-out lied to the guy, just like always. Sometimes she didn't even remember her real name, but she tried not to forget it. Meredith Grey. But since ten years no one called her Meredith anymore, she was Mia, only Mia, for everyone who asked.

And that was fine, she liked her new name, although not as much as her real name.

"Beautiful, really beautiful. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman."

Meredith nodded but rolled her eyes in her mind. Seemed as if 'beautiful' was the only word this guy knew.

"Don't you want to give me your number?", he asked with an engagingly smile.

Meredith smiled back. "No, I can't, I don't even have a mobile."

The man chuckled. "You're not serious, are you?"

"I am serious. Deadly serious.", she grinned. "And by the way, I think other people want to buy spices, too. Look around you."

The seller did as she said. Only now he noticed all the annoyed people standing around him.

"You see? Talking to me any longer would only mean financial loss for you."

"But what if I don't care about financial loss?", he leered.

"Then it's your loss." Meredith gave the guy a winning smile and turned around to walk away.

The seller kept on grinning while he shook is head in surprise. He had never seen such a tough woman before. Well, tough in a good way- it really impressed him.

"Wait, lady! Why can't you stay just one more day to go out with me?", he shouted after her.

Meredith grinned. "'Cause you can't make a wanderer stay."

* * *

 **Please tell me your thoughts :)**

 **Is this a story I should continue or delete?**


	2. An Old Shadow

**An Old Shadow**

 **A/N:** **Wow, I'm really surprised, a BIG thank you to all of the reviewers, you make my day! Thanks so much for your support!**

 **If you have any questions, feel free to ask, I'll try to answer them without spoilers.**

 **By the way, I totally forgot that 'Mystery' is also a genre here, so I changed it.**

 **And there will be some Italian here, so there's a translator at the end of the chapter :)**

 **Me** **redith1997:** **No, it's not based on 'The Age of Adaline', but I like the movie.**

 **all reviewers:** **So glad you like my new story, background infos will come bit by bit, of course ;)**

* * *

Chapter 1 - An Old Shadow

Seattle was an amazing city. Maybe not as interesting as Abu Dhabi... But it was enough for Meredith. Or should I rather say Mia? Well, let's just call her Meredith.

She let out a deep sigh. Her moving boxes stood everywhere in the small apartment.

The young woman only had a black leather couch, a white armchair, a wooden table and two black plastic chairs. But she didn't need any more anyway. A wanderer needs only the most important things.

Meredith walked into the kitchen and looked around. It was small. Too small. She felt as if she was drowning at this moment, as if she couldn't breathe. Confined spaces were her biggest nightmare.

She swallowed and tried to calm herself down.

"It's just a kitchen.", she mumbled to herself. "Your own kitchen, there's no danger."

The petite woman quickly opened the fridge door and groaned. There was absolutely nothing inside, not even a banana or some pudding. And- mainly- no alcohol.

"Cazzo!", she yelled at the fridge and slammed its door.

The Italian language was still in her mind, obviously. She could never forget it anymore, although she really wanted to. Some years ago she even tried to forget Italian, but it didn't work, so she gave up. Meredith simply realized that it wasn't possible to obliterate her own mother tongue. Well, one of her mother tongues.

Seattle brought up old memories in her mind. Old memories she wanted to forget, to hide from herself. Memories of her old life. Her life before.

But how can you hide something from yourself? That's easy.

Meredith new exactly how to do it. That meant drinking alcohol. Getting drunk.

Forgetting time. Forgetting the tears. Forgetting all the pain. Forgetting that she was in Seattle.

She went outside the house like a ghost, as if her feet and her legs did their own thing.

It was winter, Christmas was near. The snow shimmered everywhere, all around Meredith, as she made her way to the nearest bar. The sky was kinda grey with fog patches everywhere. Not even one single star was there, although it was almost one o'clock at night.

A black raven flew by and made his well known sound.

Meredith stopped and stared at a flashing sign. 'Joe's' - 'OPEN'

She waited for a few seconds and then walked in. Almost everyone turned his head around and gazed at her. Seemed as if that was a bar only for regulars, but she didn't care. She always didn't care about anything.

She elegantly sat down at one of the bar stools and glanced at the barkeeper.

"I'd like to have one glass of Tequila, please.", she ordered her regular drink. "Or rather two, dude! And some Scotch, per piacere. Mille grazie!"

The Italian just came out of her mouth, she couldn't stop or stifle it. But the deep Italian was a perfect contrast to her normal voice which was high and clear otherwise. The two different voices just melded.

"Of course, good-looker.", the barkeeper said with a smirk. "You're new here, aren't you? First time in Seattle? You're from Italy?", he asked a bit confused while he handed her drink over to her. "Who are you?", he added.

He noticed that this woman spoke Italian and [American] English, both without an accent.

Meredith let a grin coming onto her face before she answered. "I'm no one. No one important. But you're Joe, right?"

"Yeah, Joe. How did you-"

"Your big sign told me. Joe's, you know? It's vast, huh?"

Joe chuckled. That lady was different, not like the all others, but in a good, interesting way.

"Do you work in that hospital? Seattle Grace?"

Meredith shook her head. "No, I don't. Why do you ask, Joey-boy? Do you wanna stalk me? 'Cause I don't know if you wanna see me all day. Could be annoying. And by the way, I hate hospitals. Too white and full of good guys, I prefer bad guys. They suit me better, I guess.", she laughed.

And it was the truth. Good guys were _too_ good for Meredith, she thought. She would just break their hearts. Bad boys and womanizer were good enough, but not _too_ good for her. Perfect for hot sex, awful for a relationship and love.

It's not that she didn't want a partnership. She just couldn't let the love and warmth fulfill her heart, because she knew that she had to leave. She always had to leave.

We all have got a secret. A secret that we never talk about. Not even to ourselves, and that was Meredith's. She simply moved and left her hometown, every month, without thinking about it. Otherwise it would destroy her soul.

Joe grinned again. This lady was tough, _really_ tough.

"Don't worry, I didn't plan to stalk you. I was just checkin'. All the doctors and surgeons and interns and nurses and so on are my regular guests here."

The blonde beauty nodded and gulped her alcohol. "Whatever. I heard surgeons earn a lot of money, huh? Beneficial to business. By the way, one more shot of Tequila, please. Grazie."

Joe laughed loudly and gave her drink to Meredith.

"Here you are. But it has not escaped my attention that you didn't answer any of my questions. So, what's your name?"

Meredith sighed. "Mia.", she lied through her teeth. "You're satisfied?"

Joe shook his head slowly. "You've got a surname, haven't you."

"Well spotted. Keen perception, barkeeper. But sadly that's none of your business."

The barkeeper roared with laughter, causing Meredith to chuckle.

"You impress me, lady.", he grinned after a while.

"Good for you.", Meredith answered. "But you don't impress me. Well, you're nice."

Joe smirked and gazed at Meredith. "You know what? You had a couple drinks, and with a couple I mean a lot of. And you're not slurring. You don't act as if you're drunk at all."

The mysterious woman gulped her last shot before she started to speak.

"It grows on you. I've learnt it early, you know."

Joe nodded in approval, or at least he tried to. The woman sitting in front of him smiled.

"I guess I'm just an incorrigible alcoholic.", she laughed with an ironic tone in her voice. She simply had a high tolerance for alcohol.

Meredith glanced at her watch and stood up quickly. "My god, almost two o'clock. I have to go and get some sleep. See you soon, Joe! I think I could get used to this bar!"

"That would be good! You can stay here forever!", he chuckled.

Meredith blinked. "Maximum one month! Ciao!"

With those words she walked out of the bar and left a confused Joe.

One month? Maximum? What was that supposed to mean?

He shook his head and tried not to think about this conversation anymore. She'd come back or she wouldn't. Not his choice.

* * *

After a little while, a well known face popped up in the bar.

"Derek! Come here, dude! How's it going?", he smirked.

Derek sat down at the bar and smirked back.

"End of the shift. Finally.", he sighed. "And instead of a woman only alcohol is waiting for me.", he laughed with a bitter tone.

"Hey, everything's alright. A few minutes ago there was a gorgeous new woman here. Do you know a Mia?"

Derek shook his head and furrowed his brow.

"No. Why do you ask me that?"

"She was the gorgeous woman. I've never seen her in Seattle before... She was really tough. Nothing for you.", Joe laughed.

The neurosurgeon smiled a friendly smile. "We'll never know."

Suddenly Derek noticed something lying on the ground. It was a small piece of paper or something.

He picked it up- it was an ID.

"Holy shit, someone forgot his ID here...", he mumbled half to Joe, half to himself.

Joe swallowed. "Let's look, maybe we know the name."

Derek nodded and began to read.

"Lucia Caccavari ... Twenty-eight-year-old... Sounds Italian to me.", he whispered and handed the ID to Joe.

"Mia!", he breathed when he saw the photo. "That's Mia! But why did she lie?"

The surgeon with the wavy hair shrugged.

"Probably she joshed or she wanted it to be taken ironically. I don't know."

Joe shrugged, too. "Yeah, I think you're right. Wait, can you bring it to her? She can't be far away from here."

Derek nodded approvingly. "I'll do my best.", he grinned.

He took the ID and rushed out of Joe's focus.

* * *

 _ **Italian Translator:**_

 _ **Cazzo - Shit**_

 _ **Mille grazie - Thank you very much / Grazie - Thank you**_

 _ **Per piacere - Please**_

 _ **Ciao - Bye**_

 **Aw, they missed each other :)**

 **So, a lot of open questions here...**

* * *

 **Why does Meredith speak Italian? Why does she hate confined spaces? And what does the ID mean...? Is she really from Italy? And what about 'Lucia'? Who's that?**

 **Keep on reading to find out ;)**

 **Please let me know what you think about this chapter.**


	3. A New Light

**A New Light**

 **A/N:** **At first, thank you for your reviews!**

 **I know, I haven't updated for a long time... But I really had to study A LOT. I hope you guys can forgive me...**

 **Ginger: I'm glad you're curious ;) I'll answer the questions bit by bit, 'cause if you know everything at the beginning it isn't interesting anymore. Now there are a lot of unanswered questions, I know, but that makes it go down to the wire and it'll become better, I promise. I planned this story to be longer than my first one, so it'll get clearer and clearer until you know her whole story.**

 **all: Yup, of course they'll meet in this chapter...**

 **So read and enjoy!**

 **Love at first sight...or not?**

 **By the way, please tell me if you're still interested in reading this story, 'cause I'd understand if you're not... It has been a really long time...**

* * *

Chapter 2 - A New Light 

Derek felt a cold breeze in the air. Crows and ravens sat at the top of the trees and greeted him with their special noises.

"Let it snow, let it snow, let hit snow...", the neurosurgeon hummed to himself.

The glinting, white snow offered him a beautiful view.

Derek loved the winter. Although it was cold and he had to wear a lot of clothes, it was his favorite season. He knew that he wasn't a child anymore, but building a snowman or doing a snowball war was a joy to him though. Derek always felt like a kid in the candy store then.

He stared at the ID in his hand again. What could that mean? Joe said, the woman's name was Mia, but the ID told him a completely other thing.

Anyway, that didn't matter to him. He'd never see this woman again, he just planned to handle her ID to her.

After a while of walking Derek noticed a blonde woman in front of him that looked like the one he was searching for.

"Hey, hold on! Wait, please!", he shouted out to the woman.

Meredith rolled her eyes and groaned quietly. Simply another guy who tried to flirt with her and then bang her, obviously. She ignored the voice and kept on walking.

"Lucia! Lucia Caccavari!", Derek roared.

Meredith suddenly turned around and took a loaded gun out of her jacket which she carried with her all the time. That was her earlier name, her name in Italy. Her former name. Her past.

She finally produced her weapon.

"Watch out, this gun is loaded!", she whispered threateningly.

Derek raised his hands and walked one step back.

Meredith walked closer and closer to Derek, at gunpoint of course. "What do you want? Where do you know me from? Who's your principal?", she asked with a deep voice and leveled her weapon at the guy.

"Put the gun down!", Derek pleaded Meredith. "I have no principal... We're not in an action movie...-are we?"

Meredith started to laugh and put her gun away. This guy knew absolutely nothing- better for him.

"Oh no, don't worry. Just a reflex. My parents made me be paranoid and I simply watch too many action films and thrillers.", she lied with a grin.

Derek decided to believe her and nodded. There was no other choice for him anyway.

"I- I'm here to bring your ID. You forgot it in the bar. You're Lucia Caccavari, right?"

His smile made Meredith feel something she didn't want to feel. It made her melt a little bit. What was this feeling? It was really weird for Meredith, as if she wasn't able to breathe anymore. What did this guy do to her? Was this normal? A normal reaction to a normal person?

"I am... Maybe..." Meredith didn't know what to say. Obviously she couldn't tell him the truth...

"Maybe...", Derek repeated. This woman was...different. Yes, that described her perfectly- different.

"I'm Derek.", he added quickly and smiled his McDreamy-smile again. "Derek Shepherd."

"Beautiful name.", Meredith mentioned and shook his hand. His soft touch made her be wax in his hands.

"Call me Mia."

Derek nodded again and got lost in Meredith's blue eyes. It seemed as if they were stars for him. He opened his mouth while he had a lot of wanderings in his mind. Wanderings about action movies, guns, snow... And of course about the stunning woman in front of him. His mouth was still open when Meredith started to chuckle.

"Shut your mouth please. Would be better for your jawbone."

Derek nodded quickly, with an awkward smile. "Yeah, I guess... I'm so sorry- what did I say? By the way, uhm... Would you mind if I'd go out with you?"

Meredith started to roar with laughter and put her hand at Derek's shoulder.

It was only one touch between the two of them, but sometimes one little thing could change everything.

Or not.

"Alright, Derek Shepherd. It was extremely nice to meet you, but I have no time at the moment. You understand?"

Derek sighed and gazed at her as if he was a cute, little puppy.

"You have no time now or never?"

Meredith sighed, too and an apologetically smile came onto her face. "Never."

Her voice was kinda cold, nearly frozen. The dark haired surgeon walked one step back and stared at the snow white ground. "I didn't mean to make you run away.", he whispered nearly soundlessly.

"I know.", Meredith answered with the same volume. "But that's what I always do."

The neurosurgeon turned around, took a deep breath and wanted to walk, only walk. He didn't now that Mia or Lucia or whatever her name was would rain on his parade.

She refused to go away, went over to him, grabbed his left arm and bottled him up.

Derek wanted to say something, but he wasn't even able to breathe. Her grasp was unbelievably strong, so it wasn't a choice for him to just run out of her focus.

He waited for her to do anything, but she didn't.

She stared at him for a while, until Meredith pressed her lips against Dererk's. It was not a long kiss, it was very short. Not filled with any emotions, only with pure desire. At first, Derek was way too confused to react. But then he began to kiss Meredith back.

The blonde woman was good kisser, the best one, he would say. Seemed as if she was experienced.

A few seconds later their lips went apart. Meredith smiled a little bit.

"What was that?", Derek asked with a weak voice, still very confused about what happened.

"For the ID. Thank you, Sheppie."

With those words, she left him- with a still very confused, but cute look and a new nickname. Sheppie.

Was this the last time the two would meet?

* * *

 **Love at second sight, I'd say ;)**

 **So, please, tell me now if you still want me to continue. I won't be angry at you if not :)**

 **Very short chapter, I know, but I don't have so many ideas at the moment...**


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